Sexy Little Secrets -The Top Discreet Vibrators

Scared your mother will discover your carnal vices? Fearful your cleaner will be laughing behind your back after discovering your bedside cabinet stash?
We are oh so very pleased to let you in on a little secret... never again will you have to leave your bedroom buddies in the dark whilst you break through Fort Knox to retrieve your gadgets of glee, we have the most discreet sex toys in stock!

These sexy adult toys are proof that functional art exists and, any unsuspecting someone will be none the wiser until you let them know that the Zen wand they’re holding is in fact, a luxury vibrator! No more embarrassing, awkward glances from here on out and your sex toys will now take pride of place at your bedside, ready for action when things getting hot!

Discreet, Designer Sex Toys
Times have indeed changed and vibrators now come in an assortment of shapes and sizes. Many are now rather pleasing to the eye, as we said… functional art, the sort that gets your rocks off! Aside from looking good, modern vibrators are now waterproof, rechargeable and some even power up when you plug them straight into your port. Your USB port to be exact!

A round of applause please, for our top incognito sex toys!

1.Layaspot: a secretive clitoral massager

2.I Rub My Duckie: Posing as a rubber duckie, this bath time treat will froth up the bubbles in the tub!

3.Lelo Mia – You’ll have to double check that you’ve got the right usb for your board presentation. This mini vibrator will definitely bring about a standing O.

4.Lipstick Vibe – even the skinniest of clutches conceal this little beauty, you’ll be looking forward to slipping away from the table and doing a whole lot more than powdering your nose!

5.Lelo Lily – An unassuming massager for your secret places. Happy ending guaranteed.

6.Jimmy Jane Little Chroma – Birds do it, bees do it ...Try this clitoral vibrator and get your buzz on!


7.Onye Fleur – So beautiful, it will bring a tear to your eye and an undeniable tremble

8.Smartballs – Turns those traffic blues into a sexy exercise class for your pink bits!

9.Vibrating Panties – The perfect gift a man can give a woman. Have them on when meeting the in-laws for the first time – they’re going to remember you for your glowing cheeks and sunny disposition!

10.The Delight – Delightfully discreet and absolutely divine pleasure! This g-spot and clitoral vibrator packs a dual punch.

Is that a club or a caveman holding a dildo?

Fortunately, no rocket scientist was required to affirm that our brothers, who hung out in their rocky possé were in fact the trendsetters in sex toys. In fact, sex toys for men have been traced as far back as 25 000bc. Even our cavemen cousins realised the importance of solo sex to liven up a cold cave, where the only chance of a romantic encounter was as unlikely as a wheel rolling past their doorway.

Yes, loin cloths, fleas, smelly cave fires and unshaven men (and women) created the impetuous for some “huba huba” with a funny looking twig and voila, held aloft in the afterglow of the dinosaur’s demise, the dildo came into being. We can’t say we blame them, times were tough and not everyone was talented enough to spend their nights painting prehistoric porn on the wall.

Yes boys and girls, turn to page 69 of your history books and there, you will discover that it was in fact the Greeks who created the legend of the Olisbo - the first sexy stocking filler for randy damsels who were waiting for their men to come back from a ravaging quest. Requiring excessive amounts of olive oil for lubrication, these toys fashioned from stone, leather and or wood brought these bath house locals (male and female alike) some welcome relief!

But seriously now, when did the boys get their big break with sex toys?

Ah enter the Karma Sutra! In 350BC some clever Mohammed presented a penis extender to a crowd who gasped in wondrous rapture at this curious device made from wood, leather and cow horn, blinged to the hilt with silver and gold.

Craftsmen of the past knew the benefit of using high quality materials in sculpting sensual sex toys. Today more than ever the shape, material and design of sex toys is almost crucial as the effect.

Someone then took a jog in an easterly direction and whispered something naughty in a Chinese man’s ear and being the pioneers of technology that they are, they rushed to their work benches and created the very sneaky cock ring from the eyelid of a goat with long sultry lashes (for extra effect understand).

Gives new meaning to the term Bedroom Eyes

Then someone who decided to take a gap year, got in a boat and found them selves in England, handing out anal plugs at the fairs to men who believed it would provide them with the restraint needed to stop going about wastefully ejaculating on the milk maids. It was completely by accident (so we are told), that it was discovered that anal plugs were quite nice really, and so the young man who took the gap year, got creative with his designs.

With a hop, skip and jump into the 21st century males around the planet can breathe a collective sigh of relief knowing that erotic sex toys are now bountifully available at Matilda's Lifestyle so there is no need for this intercontinental rushing about in order to get your hands on silicone cock rings, glass dildos, penis extenders, anal toys or any other male sex toys that catch your fancy. Thank ye gods!

Best Practices for Sex Toy Hygiene

Cleanliness, as it is said, is close to godliness. So, if you want to keep those heavenly orgasms going then cleanliness is a nonnegotiable. For all you need to know and for all the things you’ve yet to learn… read on!

Moisture provides bacteria with the perfect environment in which to thrive so it is crucial to keep both you and your toys in good health. Some sex toy materials are porous which means that they are absorbent. It is strongly recommended that you read the technical info that comes with your toy so that you have a better understanding of what you have in your hands.

"Is sex dirty? Yes, if it's done right..." Woody Allen

There is the wrong way and then, there is the right way. Here’s how:

You’ve flung the pillows across the room, your clothes are scattered all over the place and you’re resting all aglow and breathless with your partner following some rather epic toy playtime. A quick dash to the bathroom, a quick splash over the toy and its rammed into that secret drawer until next time…

What you don’t know however is that while the toy quietly waits for the next time, it’s doing so in a rather funky state.

Although a “hey it looks clean so it must be clean” approach works for a white shirt, don’t assume that the same applies to your sex toys. It is recommended that you wash your toys with warm water and a (very) mild soap. Once done with the splashing, dry the toy with a lint free cloth or allow to air dry properly. We know you will all agree that body hygiene is critical and no one likes anything untoward going with their nether regions. So, keep it fresh, not funky!

DO NOT even think about using talcum powder or baby powder to hurry up drying time. Unless you are more than happy to your most intimate of areas in a perpetual state of irritation! Trying to find discreet ways to have a quick scratch or master a swagger like John Wayne is just not sexy!

Toy Cleaner should be in your bathroom cabinet.

Choose a recommended brand like Pjur

Where possible, use a toy cleaner! With so many adult sex toys made from various materials, cleaning them can seem a bit tricky. Some materials are slightly porous which means your little wand of bliss can and will absorb odours and fluids from the body. If not cleaned properly, the bacteria left on the toy will result in the aforementioned John Wayne swagger – simply put, it can irritate your skin and you will feel miserable for it. For this reason, some bright people came up with the idea of producing toy friendly, anti-bacterial cleaners, sprays and fleeces to help all of us maintain our toys longevity and feel, Good for them, its also good to your body. We’ve done the research and saved you a trip to the doctor with the “I have  no idea how THAT happened” drama class.

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