Is that a club or a caveman holding a dildo?

Fortunately, no rocket scientist was required to affirm that our brothers, who hung out in their rocky possé were in fact the trendsetters in sex toys. In fact, sex toys for men have been traced as far back as 25 000bc. Even our cavemen cousins realised the importance of solo sex to liven up a cold cave, where the only chance of a romantic encounter was as unlikely as a wheel rolling past their doorway.

Yes, loin cloths, fleas, smelly cave fires and unshaven men (and women) created the impetuous for some “huba huba” with a funny looking twig and voila, held aloft in the afterglow of the dinosaur’s demise, the dildo came into being. We can’t say we blame them, times were tough and not everyone was talented enough to spend their nights painting prehistoric porn on the wall.

Yes boys and girls, turn to page 69 of your history books and there, you will discover that it was in fact the Greeks who created the legend of the Olisbo - the first sexy stocking filler for randy damsels who were waiting for their men to come back from a ravaging quest. Requiring excessive amounts of olive oil for lubrication, these toys fashioned from stone, leather and or wood brought these bath house locals (male and female alike) some welcome relief!

But seriously now, when did the boys get their big break with sex toys?

Ah enter the Karma Sutra! In 350BC some clever Mohammed presented a penis extender to a crowd who gasped in wondrous rapture at this curious device made from wood, leather and cow horn, blinged to the hilt with silver and gold.

Craftsmen of the past knew the benefit of using high quality materials in sculpting sensual sex toys. Today more than ever the shape, material and design of sex toys is almost crucial as the effect.

Someone then took a jog in an easterly direction and whispered something naughty in a Chinese man’s ear and being the pioneers of technology that they are, they rushed to their work benches and created the very sneaky cock ring from the eyelid of a goat with long sultry lashes (for extra effect understand).

Gives new meaning to the term Bedroom Eyes

Then someone who decided to take a gap year, got in a boat and found them selves in England, handing out anal plugs at the fairs to men who believed it would provide them with the restraint needed to stop going about wastefully ejaculating on the milk maids. It was completely by accident (so we are told), that it was discovered that anal plugs were quite nice really, and so the young man who took the gap year, got creative with his designs.

With a hop, skip and jump into the 21st century males around the planet can breathe a collective sigh of relief knowing that erotic sex toys are now bountifully available at Matilda's Lifestyle so there is no need for this intercontinental rushing about in order to get your hands on silicone cock rings, glass dildos, penis extenders, anal toys or any other male sex toys that catch your fancy. Thank ye gods!